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Hazardous Materials Information Bulletin

Material Safety Data Sheet

Woman: A Chemical Analysis

Element: Woman

Symbol: WO

Discoverer: Unknown

Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53kg but known to vary from 40kg to 200kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface usually covered with a painted film.

2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various stages ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but flexibility greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Usage:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.

3. Very effective cleaning agent.


1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.


1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as other specimens do not come in direct contact with one another.